Where do I go from here?

Here I am, thinking too much of the past and the future. I find it difficult to focus on the present, right now, as if it doesn't even matter to me. But I know it shouldn't be disregarded as it would definitely leave an impact on my past and present selves. A relative recently passed away (this morning actually) which had me skipped school today to attend the funeral. As I watched a loved one being lowered 5 feet underneath the earthy ground, it struck as a reminder to me that life isn't going to last forever and the older you get, the closer you are to death. The last time I faced the reality of death was probably in 2006. After exactly 6 years of witnessing it, I felt more anxious at the latest sight of another person obtaining closure of her life. It really made me think about the sins that I did and no doubt that I would be making more of them only to be given karmic retribution in return. I feel all the more helpless, but effortless? No, I don't dare to live my whole life without even making an effort to make the best of it and to find a purpose.

Yes, I know. I sounded pessimistic at the beginning of this post, but you know what, no one likes to be dragged down by negative thoughts and ideals. Might as well be on the brighter side of things. After all, there is a saying that says as follows...

So what else do I need to catch up on? Ah, you must be wondering how my school life is treating me as a pre-university student. Well I think it's obvious that I'm getting busier as time progresses into the future. Truth be told, I haven't really been able to concentrate on my studies lately. Which sucks. I kinda figured that it's just a phase due to the numerous distractions that I like to call as guilty pleasures amidst the mundane daily routines. Absurdity at its finest, but I revel in the break it has to offer me from reality as it allows me the opportune time to recollect my self-esteem in such a way that it would benefit me rather than degrading it altogether.

I have tons more to vent out from this lil' heart of mine but I think I'll just leave it here. The most honest remark I would have to make before I end this post is that I am reluctant to leave this bed - metaphorically speaking - and get up for the sake of productivity. But for reasons that this reluctance can get me into jeopardy, I have to leave this world of comfort and dreams and return to the real world.

With that, I bid you so long until my future words meet you again. Have a great week! Hope you guys like the video below; And Then You by Greg Laswell.